Belief Systems: Are They Really Yours?
- emmajobray
- Aug 11
- 3 min read
We all live by a set of beliefs. They shape how we see ourselves, others, and the world.
But here’s a question worth asking: Are the beliefs you’re living by truly yours?
Often, the answer is no.
What Are Belief Systems?
A belief system is a collection of thoughts, values, and rules that influence the way we interpret life. It determines how we make decisions, how we respond to people, and even how we define success, love, failure, or happiness.
Some beliefs empower us:
“I deserve to be treated with respect.”
“I am capable of growing and changing.”
Others keep us small or stuck:
“I’m not good enough.”
“I have to earn love by being useful.”
But where do these beliefs come from?
Inherited, Not Chosen
Most of our belief systems were not chosen, they were inherited or formed unconsciously:
From childhood conditioning
Cultural or religious upbringing
Family dynamics
Educational systems
Traumatic or formative life experiences
We internalise these messages without questioning them. For example:
If you were praised only when you achieved something, you might believe your worth is tied to performance.
If you witnessed unhealthy relationships growing up, you might believe chaos or control is normal in love.
If you were told to “toughen up” or “not cry,” you may carry the belief that vulnerability is weakness.
And so, these beliefs shape your identity, not because they are true, but because they are familiar.
But here’s the truth:
These beliefs are not who you are.
They are what you’ve learned to become in order to adapt.
Who Are You Beneath the Conditioning?
Deep down, you hold a set of core beliefs that truly belong to you, beliefs that feel right, even if they go against what you’ve been taught.
These beliefs often feel calm, steady, and non-negotiable.
They might sound like:
“I deserve to be treated with kindness.”
“My emotions are valid and important.”
“It’s okay to want something different.”
“I don’t have to explain my boundaries.”
These are the beliefs that resonate with your truth, not the version of you shaped by fear, trauma, or expectation, but the version of you that’s whole, wise, and connected.
When Beliefs Need to Change
While some beliefs are worth protecting, others need to be examined, especially the ones that create pain, keep you in cycles, or stop you from growing.
Growth requires flexibility.
You should never feel forced to change your beliefs, but you should feel free to examine and evolve them when they no longer align.
Ask yourself:
“Where did this belief come from?”
“Is it really mine, or was it passed down?”
“Does it support the person I’m becoming?”
You are allowed to change.
You are allowed to rewrite your own narrative.
And you are allowed to believe something new.
What You Can Do: Reconnecting With Your Truth
Here are a few ways to begin unpacking and reshaping your belief systems:
1. Get Curious About Your Beliefs
Start noticing your inner dialogue:
What do you believe about relationships?
About success?
About failure, rest, or emotions?
Jot them down. Then ask: Does this belief feel heavy or freeing? Is this mine?
2. Reconnect With Your Inner Truth
Think about times you felt most connected to yourself. What did you believe in those moments? What felt true, natural, and powerful?
Write down 3-5 non-negotiable beliefs that feel like you. Revisit them often.
3. Challenge Limiting Beliefs with Evidence
If a belief causes you suffering, try asking:
Is this belief based on facts or fear?
Who benefits from me believing this?
What would I say to a friend who held this belief?
4. Give Yourself Permission to Evolve
Beliefs are not fixed. You can update them as you grow. In fact, outgrowing beliefs is a sign that you’re healing.
Final Thoughts
You are not your conditioning.
You are not your trauma.
You are not the story someone else wrote for you.
You are the author now.
Beliefs can be rewritten, not out of guilt, pressure, or fear, but out of a deep commitment to live as your truest self.
Ready to explore the beliefs that are shaping your life?
I offer a space to untangle inherited patterns and reconnect with the beliefs that feel most aligned with you.